


i want to hold you like you're mine

by ghostknife



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Kissing, Love Confessions, Other, Scars, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 13:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15886599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostknife/pseuds/ghostknife
Summary: Caleb doesn't get his soulmate mark until he's thirty-one years old. Though he knows it belongs to Mollymauk nearly two weeks after meeting him, he keeps it to himself, long after even he starts to grow more than fond of him.After an ambush outside of Icehaven, his feelings refuse to be bottled up anymore.





	i want to hold you like you're mine

**Author's Note:**

> for day 3 of Mollymauk Lives Fest. Enjoy!
> 
> **edit: I just realised this wasn't the right day for prompts, oops, my bad. for day eight, apparently. Sorry!

It’s only about a twenty-nine minute walk back to the cart by now but the conditions are making it dreadful. The snow’s up past Caleb’s knees in most places - Nott has to ride on Caduceus’s shoulders - and the temperature is biting, even bundled up in extra furs and coats. The adrenaline from clearing out a small camp of bandits has started to wear off and paired with everything else, the whole party’s sluggish in their movements but they trudge on with promise of warm rooms once they reach Icehaven again.

“I think a storm’s going to be rolling through, soon,” Yasha says as she steps over a fallen log, stopping to make sure everyone gets over it easily enough. 

“Might be worth it to pick up the pace, then. If we can.” Fjord says.

Caduceus nods. “Probably not the best to be caught in it, yeah.”

There’s mutual murmurs of disappointment at the idea of going faster, but ultimately, everyone agrees it’s for the best, so they trudge on.

A few minutes later, surely enough, snow starts to slowly drift through the trees. It’s not bad yet, but Caleb knows these types of storms pick up gradually, sometimes - he hopes that’s what they’re in for. A sudden storm would be awful for the lot of them. 

Next to him, Mollymauk is looking up at the sky, sticking out his tongue as he tries to catch the snowflakes floating towards them. He catches a couple before he eventually trips over his own boots and Caleb is just quick enough to reach out for his arm, stopping him just short of surely falling face-flat into the snow.

“Careful now, Mollymauk.” Caleb chastises softly, unable to hold back a gentle chuckle. 

“I’ll never get tired of this stuff,” He says, smiling wide as he looks at the flakes starting to fall on his hands as he holds them out in front of him, the snow fleeting before it melts away. Snow accumulates more easily on his horns and hair, making Caleb tuck his nose into his scarf to try to hide the smile trying to fight it’s way through. “It’s wonderful.”

“Even after we have been trekking through this mess for most of the week?”

Molly makes a face like he’s pretending to mull over the question. 

“Mm, yeah. Still like it.” He nods decidedly, smiling again. “Suppose you got used to it really quick, though.”

Caleb nods in agreement. “Ja, especially once I was older and it got in the way of -”

He’s cut off by a sudden scream from Yasha in the front of the group, followed by growls around them, hidden somewhere in the trees. Caleb barely registers Yasha on the ground before he feels a dull, pricking pain emanating from his soulmate mark on his inner forearm and Caleb whips over to Molly just in time to see a large, white wolf digging it’s fangs into Molly’s shoulder. There’s a brief moment where everyone is frozen in panic from being taken off guard before they all soon spring into action.

Beau and Jester are quick to help Yasha with the glacier wolf biting into her arm, Beau giving it two rapid smacks with her staff before successfully shoving the thing off of her. Jester runs over to Yasha and reaches down to help her stand on her own two feet before summoning her spiritual weapon with a flourish, sending the sparkling lollipop crashing into the wolf’s side. 

The air distorts briefly around Fjord as the Falchion appears in his hand, the sword glowing a green-blue as he swings twice into the air, sending two blasts of energy into a third wolf just on the edge of the clearing, causing it to howl in pain. 

Caleb snaps his fingers three times as he tries to get a little distance on the wolves - but not too far, still worried about Mollymauk, struggling with one of the wolves on the ground. He extends his flickering hand at the wolf’s side, missing twice before he hits that final shot, enough of a distraction for the wolf to let go of Molly’s ribs for now. 

Another wolf emerges from the edge of woods, snarling and barking as it advances on Caleb and Mollymauk. The wolf by Molly goes in for one bite, triggering a vein to burst in his neck, causing the wolf’s vision to blur and another small, needle of a pain pulses through the mark on Caleb’s arm. The wolf then misses and tries to snap at Molly’s shoulder, but he’s quick enough to roll out of the way. Caleb sighs softly to himself in relief, narrowing his focus onto the wolves they’re personally engaged with.

A series of bolts slam into the wolf’s neck, presumably from Nott and the creature yelps in pain, staggering backwards. In a fluid motion Molly stands up and draws his swords with an exaggerated flourish. His sword swings get lost in a blur as they seem to connect with the wolf at least twice, stabbing another time as Mollymauk’s gilded scimitar sinks partially into the creature’s chest. Distantly he hears the two other wolves snapping and growling at his other party members among the rest of the din of battle.

As Caleb notices the two wolves closing back in on Mollymauk, worry courses more apparently in his veins and he rummages around his component pouch for a lightning bug. He pinches it apart at the abdomen with a twisting motion and flames begin to flicker up the length of his body as he advances closer into the wolves’ space, hoping to take some of the attention away from Molly. As he’s traveled with the group, he’s gotten to care about them all more and more, and has been more than willing to stick his neck out for the group, not just Mollymauk.

One wolf lunges at Caleb suddenly, digging it’s fangs into his shoulders and it’s absolutely _freezing,_ even with the flames wreathing his own body. When it tries to clamp down even harder the flames burst around him, singeing the wolf’s flesh just enough to force it off with a yelp. The other wolf goes to try to jump on Caleb but suddenly Mollymauk’s in the way and he’s shoved to the ground instead, claws and teeth burying deep into his arm and shoulder as Molly lets out a pained shout. 

His flinches back to attention when two crossbow bolts whiz by, lodging themselves in the wolf on Molly into the side of it’s skull. It stills, eventually toppling over onto its side, releasing Mollymauk from it’s grasp. Caleb gives another sigh of relief.

He snaps his fingers together, then flicking a bolt of fire over in the direction of the remaining wolf, not even looking as he exchanges a glance at Mollymauk. He’s seen better days, for sure - blood is dripping from his shoulder and his side, and probably still has other injuries as well, but he staggers on through the snow.

Mollymauk meets Caleb’s gaze with a smile and a wink, his chest heaving, swords twirling at his side.

A blast of green-blue energy slams into the wolf as it goes to jump at Molly again, throwing it off balance so it misses. With the rest of the pack slain, it’s easy enough for the group to pick off the remaining creature. Once it’s over Jester and Caduceus offer what little healing they still have left in them to the group. It’s not much, especially for Mollymauk and Yasha, who seemed to take the brunt of it.

“You shouldn’t be throwing yourself in front of others like that, Mollymauk. Especially not for me.” Caleb brings up as they continue on towards the cart, with haste in mind but they’re definitely more aware of their surroundings, now. “If not for your own safety, for the sake of … all of us, I suppose.”

Mollymauk shrugs. “We’re a team, it’s what we do now. Look out for each other and all that.”

“I do not see you jumping in front of Beauregard. Or Yasha, even.”

“Uh, well - they can take a hit. No offense.” Molly looks down at his feet for a moment. “Even after all this time you’re still _very_ squishy and I can take a few more hits than you. It’s nothing, really.”

“It _is_ something, though.” Caleb sighs softly to himself. “Just. Please don’t go acting so reckless all of the time.”

“Guess you just bring out my bad side, Mr. Caleb.” Molly gives a wink followed by a chuckle when Caleb just gives him a confused look in turn.

***

Nott, Yasha, Mollymauk, and Jester pile into the back of the cart and the other three take horses, leaving Caleb settle in with the rest of the group in the cart. He takes his place next to Molly, still concerned about his condition after the fight. Caleb’s own wounds pulse with a faint sense of cold and he imagines Molly must feel similarly, though probably more intense than Caleb’s, given the circumstances.

Caleb frowns to himself as Mollymauk tucks his knees close to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself, wincing in pain as he does so. After a moment Caleb starts to shuffle in his seat, awkwardly working his fraying greatcoat off his shoulders. He wordlessly presents it to Mollymauk, who gives him a questioning look in turn, one eyebrow raised. When he doesn’t take it, Caleb hastily rests the coat over Molly’s lap and returns to staring ahead at the endless fields of snow.

“After surviving today I would hate for you to freeze to death in the back of the cart.” Caleb says plainly, thumb fidgeting back and forth over the spot on his forearm where he knows the peacock feather mark is.

“Oh.” There’s a pause before Molly scooches just a bit closer to Caleb. He freezes. “I could say the same for you, friend.”

“I’m used to this weather.”

“Well, I mean, doesn’t mean you have to suffer through it. As much, at least.” He doesn’t say anything to that. “Okay, fine, compromise, then.”

Mollymauk spreads the coat out so it’s laid across both of their laps, shifting close enough so their sides are gently pressed together. Even with the little bit of contact, the warmth of another body is nice, especially Mollymauk’s.

“Is the touching alright?” Molly asks quietly, shimmying his arm somewhat as if to demonstrate.

 _“Ja.”_ Caleb stares down at his lap. He’s suddenly aware that there are others in the cart too, though sticking to their own conversation, are probably aware of how painfully awkward he’s being and he feels the blush start to creep up his neck.

“Would … would more be okay?”

He nods stiffly.

“Okay.”

Out of the corner of Caleb’s eye, he sees Mollymauk place one hand gingerly on his forearm, pausing as he looks to the wizard for some sort of confirmation. When Caleb nods again he moves a bit more quickly, but still with care as he loops his other arm with Caleb’s. Then Molly rests his head gingerly on his shoulder, snuggling against him. Mollymauk’s weight and warmth is wonderful and it makes Caleb slacken just barely, leaning some of his weight back against him.

A soft, rumbling little purr starts from Mollymauk and it tugs strongly at Caleb’s heart, almost painfully endearing. Blush burning his cheeks, he looks straight down at his lap and hopes his hair does a well enough job at obscuring his face for now as he begins to aggressively fidget against the mark now.

He startles when he hears a loud cough from Nott at the other end of the cart and looks over to her briefly. She’s got a knowing, smug sort of look on her face when their eyes meet and she shoots him a discreet thumbs-up before returning to her conversation with Jester and Yasha.

Nott knows everything at this point. Knows that the feather marking is unmistakably Mollymauk’s, knows that _Caleb_ has known it’s been his for most of this journey with everyone.

He didn’t let that fact control his feelings, though; Caleb’s never been one to listen to fate’s plan, he’s been trying to fight against it most his life. He disliked Mollymauk for a while - he was arrogant, loud, sensory-overload all crammed into one person. Some mark on his inner-arm be damned, his destiny wasn’t with this person, be it platonically or romantically. 

It sort of creeped up on Caleb and even when the feeling sat surely in his heart, he didn’t know it was there for a long, long while. He wasn’t ready for it back then, either, not until some parts of himself slowly started to heal and forgive. Even now Caleb knows he’s not “whole” or “healed” - he still struggles a lot with himself and the things he’s done, but the parts he _has _been able to heal have made way for the Mighty Nein to occupy the new space in his heart.__

__Mollymauk Tealeaf is colorful and bright and kind, so, so kind and bursting with life and acceptance and - and Caleb _loves_ him._ _

__If Molly knows about their marks, or if feels similarly, he hasn’t said anything. Fear is still the most apparent thing in Caleb’s heart, so he keeps the feelings to himself._ _

____

***

Back at the inn, the group is settled around a table, nursing their mixed assortment of warm drinks and alcohol. Caleb keeps quiet for the most part, exhausted from their day. Occasionally tuning into the conversation for a quick quip before he returns back to his reading.

“Well, folks, I think I’m calling it a night.” Molly says late into the evening, earning a chorus of good nights in turn from the group.

When he goes to stand up, he only makes it just short of standing completely upright, hand braced surely against the tabletop before sitting back down quickly. He lets out a hiss and swears to himself before trying once more, slowly, and begins to hobble towards the stairs. Caleb quickly folds his book on the tabletop and slides it in his holster before rising to meet Mollymauk, placing his hand gingerly between his shoulder blades.

“I can lend a hand if you need, um, help getting ready for bed.” Caleb stares down at Molly’s leg, trying to get a better look at the wound. It’s hard to tell if Jester’s magic was able to heal it completely, but his leggings are dried with blood right on his upper thigh; he can guess there’s probably at least a bruise left behind.

“Oh, that’d be lovely. If - if you don’t mind?”

“Not at all.” Caleb gives a tiny smile.

Molly rests an arm over Caleb’s shoulder and leans some of his weight against him before they start to walk towards the room. “Thank you.”

With a little bit of work they make their way up to Mollymauk’s room and go inside, the small room containing a single bed, a tiny desk, and a small, unlit hearth. Caleb helps Molly situate himself on the edge of the bed before he begins to fuss with the laces on his boots. Caleb stands there awkwardly for a second, unsure what to occupy himself with before walking over to the hearth. 

He crouches down and flicks his thumb and index finger together a few times before producing a flame, sending it to ignite the wood already sitting at the bottom of the hearth. He sends a few extra sparks in for good measure, and once he’s satisfied with the fire, he looks back over to Mollymauk, who’s struggling a bit awkwardly with his boots.

“Would you …?” Caleb gestures vaguely as he stands himself up.

“Yes, please.” Molly says, a bit sheepishly. Caleb crosses the room and crouches in front of him, hooking his fingers into the hem of Mollymauk’s tall boots and starts to tug them off carefully, trying not to jostle him too much in hopes it doesn’t hurt. “Might as well be drunk off my ass right now, can’t even get my own boots off.” 

There’s a bit of nerves in the chuckle Molly gives at the end of that at that statement that makes Caleb frown. 

“It’s alright. You have a good reason for it.”

A pause. “I hope you don’t feel like you have being kind to me right now just because - just because I took that hit for you.”

Caleb works the other boot off, sets them both aside the bedpost before rising, wincing as his knee pops.

“No, I just like being nice to you.” Caleb shrugs casually, though he cringes inwardly at himself, wondering if he’s being too obvious about what feelings are swirling around in his heart. “Because we are a team - like you said yourself, _ja?_ But if I’m overstepping any boundaries or making you uncomfortable, please tell me and I will fuck off.”

Molly ducks his head down, almost … shy? Caleb can’t tell.

“You’re very sweet.” His voice is soft, sincere. “Thank you, Caleb. It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome, Mollymauk.” Caleb nods stiffly and eyes the tears on Molly’s leggings and the dried blood. “You might need to take off your leggings. And shirt. For cleaner clothes.”

Molly chuckles again, any sense of nerves gone. “Never expected you to be so forward, Mr. Caleb.”

Caleb rolls his eyes playfully with a light smirk on his face. “Would it help if I batted my eyelashes and said ‘pretty please,’ then?”

“If you’re asking, I’m more partial to begging myself, dear.”

He huffs a small laugh as he turns to go grab Molly’s pack, blush creeping up his neck as he tries his best not to entertain any of the images that come to mind. When Caleb turns around, holding Molly’s pack, he’s already taken his shirt off, poking at what’s still left of the wound on his side. Caleb sets Molly’s pack on his bed before gently batting his hand away to get a better look at it himself.

It’s best described as a deep scrape, really - perhaps it was claws. It looks like the bleeding has stopped for the most part but Mollymauk’s movement and poking might have agitated it again. 

“Don’t suppose getting that washed up won’t hurt at all.” Molly says, digging through his things.

“I agree.” Caleb nods, pulling his hand back. “And a bandage, maybe.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He produces another pair of leggings from his pack, resting them in his lap continuing to dig through his things. “I think I have some? Somewhere in - ha! There.” 

Molly sets those materials and a waterskin next to him before awkwardly shoving his pack towards the end of the bed. He starts to stand, still a bit strained, but he manages. With some work Molly’s able to change into new pants and Caleb helps him settle on the bed, back to the headboard.

Caleb almost mirrors Mollymauk’s posture, sitting cross legged on the bed in front of him with the supplies settled in his lap. He tries his best not to seem like he’s staring anywhere else but Molly’s wound, but Caleb’s eyes are definitely wandering - there’s so many interesting bits of gold piercings, lines of ink, and tiny, raised scars resting across his skin. Caleb wants to feel all the contrasting textures under his fingertips, to feel his skin against his and there’s a brief bubble of desire within Caleb to tell Mollymauk everything, but he keeps it pushed down.

His eyes catch on the silvery mark on the front of Molly’s hip - Caleb’s seen it before, though he’s never gotten a very close look at it. The little bundle of flowers could easily be mistaken for some sort of scarring or tattoo, especially considering the sort of person Mollymauk is, but this has to be it.

“This is … your soulmate mark?” Caleb just barely brushes his fingers against the mark before he restrains himself and pulls back, going to wet the rag again. Molly nods, a gentle smile barely pulling at his lips when feels Caleb touch his hip. 

“Mhm. Yasha said it was a gladiolus, but I haven’t seen any in person, yet. Definitely seen violets, though.” Molly’s fingers trace over his own mark, a fond little smile on his face. “Do you know what yours is?”

“Sort of? It’s a feather, but it’s plain, so it’s hard to discern what kind of bird it’s from.” He lies, tapping the spot where his mark is at. Molly just nods with an absent hum.

After a stretch of quiet Caleb asks, more impulsive and maybe selfish than anything: “Do you think you’ve met your soulmate yet?” 

“I hope so.” Molly chews on his lip. “You know, I actually thought it was Yasha for a while - we both did - but then she met Beau and Jester, so, that ruled that out.”

“They’re more evidence than anything you can have more than one soulmate, though, it seems.”

“Oh, yeah, for sure. Some other things don’t have me thinking it’s her anymore.” Molly shrugs. “This is - this is personal, so don't feel like you have to answer, but, was Astrid your … ?”

Caleb frowns to himself. He’s gotten past her as much as can, but the memories still sting a little.

“Ah, no.” Caleb rubs his thumb against his mark. “She had a mark when we were together, and I did not. But I loved her, still. And … and she loved me.”

“...I’m sorry.” Molly’s voice is sincere and it pulls at Caleb’s heart.

“Don’t be.” Caleb forces a tiny smile. “It is … behind me now. I’m ready to move on to other people, if the opportunity arises.”

“Well, they’re a lucky person.”

Caleb returns to bandaging the wound on his side, quiet as he works, unsure what to say.

The silence isn’t a bad thing in this case; with Molly it’s … nice, comfortable as it fills the space of the room, not tense or awkward. And the questions, too - he knows he should be hating any sort of prying, but it’s okay. Caleb worries that with enough prodding, he’s going to snap - or, maybe it’s not worry. No, he _wants_ Mollymauk to know how feels. He really, really does but finding the words or the courage is difficult but, Gods, he wants Molly to _know_ and it feels like any second his control over his words are going to slip, reveal everything. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.

Caleb pushes everything down again, unsure how he would even tell Mollymauk what he’s feeling. He checks over the bandage once more before he decides it’s satisfactory and starts to put away the supplies back into Molly’s bag.

“I think it’s finished.”

“Thanks, dear. You’re a blessing.” Molly gives a shy sort of smile and pats Caleb’s knee before he slides off of the bed, taking Molly’s things with him.

Caleb admits he putters around a bit as he puts Mollymauk’s belongings back, partially because he doesn’t really want to leave the other man’s company and the fact that he can feel his emotions right in the back of his throat. Those emotions are so, so close to forming into words, if he can just get another burst of courage he might just be able to say everything on his mind.

“Is there anything else you need, Mollymauk?”

“Ah - company might be nice, just for a bit? Not having a roommate sort of sucks.” Molly fidgets with his tarot cards in his lap that he must’ve grabbed from his coat, which is laying across the desk. “Don’t worry about it if you’ve got work to do, though, you’ve done much more than enough already.”

“Oh.” Caleb says shyly. “Oh, yes, that’s - I do not mind. I may read, though, if that’s …?”

“Yeah, sure, ‘course.” Mollymauk smiles and scooches closer to one edge of the bed before patting the space next to him, tail flicking gently. “I’m good at keeping quiet when I need to be.” Caleb just squints at that, not understanding the teasing tone.

Caleb slides his coat and boots off before he sits on the bed next to Mollymauk, shoulders not having much choice but to brush together because of the size of the bed itself. He gets comfortable, opening the book in his lap and settling back against the pillows. At some point Molly rests his head on Caleb’s shoulder, similarly to how he did in the cart earlier, and again Caleb lets himself lean back against him. 

Caleb realises just how _bad_ he wants to have this all of the time. He wants Molly’s warmth against his side on quiet nights and to sleep in his bed, wake up with him in the morning. He wants to be able to show Mollymauk the love in his heart and to be by his side when he needs it the most. 

Molly’s weight beside him gives him the last bit of courage he needs, even though his voice comes out incredibly small, timid when he’s able to find the words.

“Ah, um ... Mollymauk?”

“Hm?” He hums in turn, separating himself somewhat from Caleb to look at him, expression curious.

“I ... think I am in love with you,”

It’s a second before something clicks in Molly’s expression, like it takes him an extra moment for him to _actually_ hear the words, and something snaps within Caleb - relief, easing just a hint of the tension in his body. He said it. He _said it._

“Oh.” He looks down at his deck in his lap, the cards still face down in his palm as he flicks through the corners with a fingers. _“Oh._ That’s … I-”

Molly cuts himself off with a nervous - perhaps excited, too - little laugh, thumb brushing against the mark on his hip before he sets his cards aside on the desk and twisting to face Caleb better. He chews on his lip as Mollymauk searches his face for a moment, holding onto his eyes as best as he can manage. Molly reaches out and gingerly cups Caleb’s cheek, who sighs softly at the contact, eyes fluttering for a moment. 

There are no words shared in the silence that follows, just the sound of fire crackling softly in the background and the hushed howling winds from outside the window as their eyes hold for what feels like an eternity. Caleb can sense the anxiety in his body building again, muscles tense, his pulse beating surely against his neck and pounding in his ears.

But it all disappears when Mollymauk pulls him in for a kiss. It’s not some bright flame or passionate inferno fueled by nothing but desire, nor is it lacking and cold, it’s … steady, persistent, assuring. The warmth spreads from their lips, the hand on Caleb’s cheek and the hands gripping Molly’s hips to all over Caleb, slowly enveloping him like some cloak. It’s unbelievably comforting and he melts into the sensation, pressing more of his weight against Mollymauk. It feels _right._

They break for a moment’s breath and this is when it all fully, _truly_ sinks in that he is kissing Mollymauk Tealeaf and that realisation kicks up something with Caleb that has him picking up the pace. Almost lazed motions start to build into something more rushed and borderline desperate, not out of lust or anything of the sort, though - Mollymauk is kissing Caleb and he is kissing back, but does he know that Caleb feels like he’s about to burst out of skin with the swell of feelings running through his veins, _all because of him?_

Caleb can’t be sure any words can string those thoughts together in a coherent way, so he tries to show Mollymauk the best way he can, and he’s reciprocating just as much, to Caleb’s delight. Molly’s hands shift to grab the front of Caleb’s shirt and tug needily at the fabric, encouraging him to stumble into his lap, lips never parting. As Molly relaxes back against the pillows Caleb follows suit, leaning his weight into him, still mindful of his injuries.

One hands goes to rest on the small of Caleb’s back and the other finds his forearm, Molly’s thumb gently stroking his inner arm, right where his mark is, hidden under the bandages. The motion soothes Caleb and their motions start to dwindle down, relaxed. When they part, Molly’s hand moves to cup the back of Caleb’s head, gently scratching at his scalp and he presses against the motion like a cat, eyes fluttering as he lets out a little sigh.

“I think I love you, too.” Mollymauk says softly. It almost startles Caleb to hear the words, he didn’t really expect to hear it back, or anything even like the sort. The buzz in his mind slowly starts to pick up again, questions starting to bounce around his thoughts. He keeps them to himself for now, though, afraid he’s going to ruin this by speaking. “I’ve never been in love, so I - I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong but,” He gives a bubbly little laugh. “But whatever this fucking feeling kicking around in my chest for the past few months is - it’s weird, but it’s … good. And it’s for your heart only, Caleb Widogast.”

He’s nearly overwhelmed by the words, almost to the point where he’s starting to feel tears pricking behind his eyes so he screws them shut, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Mollymauk’s and rubs his thumb against the flowers etched into his hip. Molly whispers little nonsense words of reassurance and strokes Caleb’s hair, soothing

“S’okay if you need a minute or two. Or more.” He murmurs, understanding.

Caleb eventually shifts himself out of Mollymauk’s lap so he can instead rest against his side, head resting on his shoulder. He encourages it to become more of a proper cuddle, though, wrapping an arm around Caleb’s shoulder and pulling him close. He cautiously rests his arm across Molly’s waist, unsure what he’s expecting from Caleb right now. There’s … _a lot_ to talk about, surely, and he has no idea where to begin.

“I’ve known since Zadash.” Caleb starts, quiet. “About the mark, at least. I did not realise my um, feelings for a very long time.”

“Oh.” Molly sounds genuinely surprised. “I’m … that much of an open book, then?”

“I think you’re quite the opposite to that, really.” Caleb find himself tracing over the tattoos on Mollymauk’s shoulders with his fingers, delicate and curious. “I didn’t get my soulmate mark until I was 31, you weren’t alive until two years ago at that point, it was … an easy conclusion.”

“So you were just bullshitting me earlier?” Molly’s tone is nowhere near terse, leaning far more into playful and Caleb laughs a little, nodding. He gingerly grabs onto Caleb’s hand, turning his wrist, as if to look. “It’s definitely some sort of gaudy feather or something.”

“Yes, actually, it - I did not plan to tell you like this.” Caleb laughs again and ducks his head. “Granted, I have no idea what would’ve been the optimal way to tell you. I was scared I was wrong, I was scared I fell in love with the wrong person again, I … I don’t know. But I wanted you to know. It was making me do stupid shit.”

Molly nods thoughtfully. “I’ve never had romantic feelings for anyone, before you, at least, and it was weird. I’ve always just been with people for sex and that was it, not much _‘feelings’_ involved, but. After I got to know you, I didn’t want _just_ that and I didn’t know what to do with those feelings. And even after I sorted things out - kind of - I was worried about pushing you, because I know you’ve been through a lot and I didn’t want to just - just to dump it all on you, in case you weren’t ready, even if you felt the same.”

“I’ve never been in love, or dated anyone, and frankly, I have _no clue_ what I’m doing, just putting that out there. Holy shit.” Mollymauk continues, giving another bubbly giggle. “If you want something out of this, that is. Don’t think you owe me anything, even after all of this.”

“That’s … you’re very considerate, Mollymauk, thank you.” Molly being mindful of Caleb’s feelings means a lot to him. “I was not ready for a while, but I think I am now and, um, would like to be with you, if you want that, too.”

He cups Caleb’s jaw and tilts his head gently to meet in a kiss, slowed and sweet. “I’d like that quite a lot, darling.”

Caleb’s face flushes at ‘darling,’ the simple sound making warmth pool in his chest and bloom outwards. He ducks his head again, shy, tucks his face against Molly’s collarbone and he hears him chuckle.

“I am very out of practise, I’m sorry if I’m bad at this. At being romantic and kissing and, um, other things.”

“S’okay. Taking things slow might not be a bad idea, for the both of us, yeah? Since we’re both sort of new to this.” Mollymauk says, hand scratching circles into Caleb’s back, and he nods in agreement. “Moonweaver help me if that’s how you kiss when you’re ‘out of practise,’ though, Caleb, shit.”

“I - I’m … I -” 

He starts to splutter out but eventually gives up, tucking his face back against Mollymauk once again, flustered. Caleb settles his arm across Molly’s waist and tries to pull him just a tiny bit closer before he lets himself relax into silence, Mollymauk’s floral, coppery scent filling his lungs and his warmth seeps into Caleb’s bones. He’s forgotten how much he’s missed holding someone close just like this, how safe he feels wrapped in the warmth from another body, and any other sort of affectionate touch. 

When he feels Mollymauk start to pet his hair, fingers caring and gentle, Caleb lets out a small sigh, tries to burrow further against Molly, but he can’t get much closer, really. Mollymauk gives a breathy, amused laugh before nuzzling against Caleb. He feels so incredibly safe right now, with his soulmate. He couldn’t be happier.

“Didn’t think you were such a cuddly person.”

“It’s been a while since I had a … cuddle-buddy, I guess, it’s nice to have this again.”

“Cuddle-buddy?” Mollymauk laughs at that and Caleb chuckles with him, understanding how silly it sounds. “Is that how we’re gonna tell people we’re together?”

There’s something very, very satisfying in hearing that him and Mollymauk are ‘together' from his mouth.

“Listen, I - I’m very tired, don’t judge my word choice.” Caleb smiles and shifts against Molly, unburying his face so he can hopefully hear him more clearly. “What would you like to me to refer to you as, as in relation to _us,_ though? Like, my partner, or …?”

“Partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, they all feel right, I think.” Molly presses a tiny kiss to Caleb’s forehead. “Thank you.”

“Of course, _Schatzi.”_

Caleb sits himself up well enough to give Molly a kiss, resting an arm around his shoulders.

“What’s that one mean?” Molly asks, expression curious.

“It’s more close in meaning to dear or something similar, in Common, I believe.” Caleb feels a little flush creeping up his cheeks. _“ ‘Schatz,’_ though, more literally means ‘treasure’ or a beloved trinket. I think I prefer that more, myself, it’s cuter.”

Molly’s expression softens into something shy and he ducks his head, a blush starting to dust his cheeks. Caleb smiles, pleased with himself; he’s doing something right, evidently.

Mollymauk’s hand roams from where it lays on Caleb’s thigh to eventually rest on his free arm, thumb rubbing over the banadages. He almost seems to inspect the area for a long moment, turning Caleb’s arm over somewhat as he looks, expression almost pensive now. Caleb lets him be as curious as he wants and doesn’t inquiry as to what he’s doing. Molly eventually brings his other hand over to rest just on Caleb’s wrist and looks back up to meet his gaze.

“You mark, could I see?” He asks, voice gentle.

Caleb’s hesitant to agree - there’s burn scars that cover most of his hands and forearms. He feels nothing but disgust and shame looking at the reminders. He recalls that some of the damage from his training, when he was very, very young and had gotten overzealous. He had only burned part of his palms and some of his fingers then. Caleb can’t remember exactly when he got the scars up his arms, but he knows he didn’t have them prior to Graduation and they were there during his time in the asylum, so he has his theories.

He’s never let anyone see, save for Nott. But … he trusts Mollymauk.

“… Yes.” Caleb looks down at his lap. “My arms are disgusting, covered in burns, just - just so you’re aware. I do not blame you if you don’t want to see them, they’re very unsightly, even after all this time. I keep them covered for a reason.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” Molly gives him a fleeting kiss on the cheek. “It won’t bother me, but if it makes you uncomfortable, just tell me, okay?”

“Okay.” Caleb nods. _“Danke.”_

He offers his arm more readily to Mollymauk, guiding his hand to where the end of the wrappings start. He looks up to Caleb, looking for permission to start unraveling them himself, and he nods, sure. He trusts Molly to do it.

He does it with care and doesn’t flinch or cringe at the sight of the patchy, puckered flesh as he undoes the wrappings. When Caleb mentions he ought to change out his wrappings anyway Molly agrees, says he’ll help with that later, pressing a brief kiss to Caleb’s exposed wrist before moving on to the other arm. He treats it just the same as the last, not rushed at all and taking his time, with the utmost care but to Caleb, the delicacy doesn’t feel like it’s because Mollymauk’s tiptoeing around him as if he thinks Caleb’s fragile or delicate. It’s out of care, perhaps a respect, too, and the thought pulls on some emotion in Caleb’s heart, sending the promise of tears behind his eyes, but he blinks them back.

Once Mollymauk sets those bandages aside he takes Caleb’s hand in one of his, free hand tracing the thin-lined, silvery peacock feather that takes up almost half of his inner forearm. A pulse of warm radiates from the mark when Mollymauk touches the skin and Caleb’s heart swells as he watches Molly’s fingers trace over every line, the tiefling’s expression almost focused, like he’s trying to commit it all to memory.

After he seems satisfied with that, Molly lifts Caleb’s hand up to his lips, pressing a series of kisses to his open palm, soon doing the same to each of his fingertips. The action feels incredibly reverent as Mollymauk continues to kiss down Caleb’s wrist, now more careful to not leave much space in between each kiss. He has to clench his free hand at his side, thumb worrying into his palm at it all, emotions poking around his chest.

Caleb can’t say he _deserves_ this, the kindness of it all - but when the opposite thought pop-ups in his mind, he knows at least, that it’s wrong and important people in his life think similarly. He’s allowed to have nice things sometimes and he can have this, can have the bubbly, fond feelings fluttering around his chest, can have the safety and comfort he feels in Mollymauk’s company. He‘s allowed to be loved.

Molly switches his ministrations to Caleb’s other arm, delicately unraveling his curled fingers before pressing kisses to his palm and fingertips, then working his way down again. Mollymauk barely gets past Caleb’s wrist before he feels like it’s too much, sort of overwhelming, but not in a bad way, and he finally lets the tears pass. 

He doesn’t think he’s cried because of anything positive since the night the peacock feather appeared on his arm. Caleb had been alone and drained then, always running on auto-pilot and sleeping by himself in the woods most nights and after it appeared, it was brought him temporary comfort. The same emotions radiated from the mark as he’s feeling now and even as brief as it was, it made Caleb feel safe for once, perhaps even a little hopeful. He clung to that feeling as long as he could that night. 

His breath hitches just barely but that’s enough for Mollymauk to take notice, so he stops his ministrations, straightening out to look at Caleb better. He cups his jaw in both hands, thumb rubbing at the tears as he searches Caleb’s face.

“I’m okay, don’t worry.”

“Good tears?” Molly inquires.

He nods. _“Ja._ I’m - I’m happy.”

“Good.” He gives a little nod. “I’m happy, too.”

Mollymauk leans in to press a kiss to each of Caleb’s cheeks before pulling him down against his chest and wrapping his arms loosely around his shoulders, rubbing at his back. Caleb wraps his arms around Molly, holding him close as he can, one hand stroking a small length of spine just above his tail. 

In the quiet, the tears eventually pass, and Caleb reluctantly unfurls himself from Mollymauk, suddenly aware how late into the night it’s gotten. He imagines Molly’s probably pretty tired himself, as well.

“It’s getting late, I should let you get your rest.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Molly’s lips just barely downturn in a frown. “You can, um, sleep here, if you want.”

“Oh. Yes, I would that very much.” 

They shuffle around to slip under the comforter, both eventually settling on their sides. Molly ends up bracketing Caleb, holding him close to his chest with an arm around his waist and Caleb tries to nestle back against him as much as possible, comfortable. 

Their legs tangle together, Molly’s tail gently coiling around Caleb’s calf, his hand eventually sneaking under the hem of Caleb’s shirt. Molly starts to rub tiny circles into his stomach and the sensation’s heavenly, practically making him melt into the bed. Caleb thinks he hears Mollymauk says something about he’s squishy, soft and other embarrassing things and how it makes him good to cuddle with, but he’s too tired to get flustered about it, _far_ too tired to put together any words. Content, safe, and warm, he drifts into sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> ...It was supposed to like 3.5k at most, how did this happen.  
>  hope you enjoyed, I tried really hard to put this together within about a week, and even with the crunch, I'm still proud of it.  
> Please let me know what you think, comments mean a lot, even if it's something as little as your favorite line!


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